I use to have no awareness of my mental activity.
But just as we breathe, we think. We never stop thinking.
Mental activity happens on its own, like breathing, or digestion, or the beat of our heart. It is always happening without our conscious participation.
We never stop these activities as long as we are alive.
I had a consistent negative self talk. I would mentally complain about anything and everything. I would judge myself, others and situations. I use to be completely trapped in my negative thinking.
A colleague at work had even given me the surname “grumpy”! This gives you an idea of how consistently I was in a bad mood. It was my identity. I was a bad mood.
In 2008, I came across Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor’s beautiful book: “My Stroke of Insight: A Brain Scientist’s Personal Journey”. I started to realized that my thinking is the result of a brain function. It is not who I am!
Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor is a neuroanatomist. She studied and researched the brain before she had her own brain disorder. One day, she suffered a stoke in the left hemisphere of her brain and the right side of her body became paralyzed. She was not able to walk, talk, read, write, understand language or recall any memory of her life. She lost all mental chatter as a result. She had found nirvana! She completely recovered and shared her amazing story.
The left hemisphere of our brain is linear. It deals with details and is concerned about the past and the future. It is the center of our language and the source of the voice in our head! It is where we derive our sense of identity and where we can think I AM. It is what keeps us separate from everyone and everything.
The right hemisphere of our brain thinks in pictures. It lives in the present moment and it can perceive everything as energy. It can perceive that we are all one and we are all united as brothers and sisters. We all have access to nirvana through our right hemisphere.
Both hemispheres are very different from one another. They are separated by the corpus callosum through which they communicate with one another. With our left hemisphere, we can choose to be a separate ego. Or we can choose with our right hemisphere to be the Life force power of the Universe connected to all. We can choose.
This made me realize that my understanding of the famous saying by the mathematician and philosopher René Descartes “I Think; Therefore, I am” turns out to be only part of the truth. Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor stopped thinking for some time because of the stoke but she never ceased to exist.
Are you an infinite energetic being or a separate ego? 💜